Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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