I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize