I wanna passion pit in your ass
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And then he peed in my hair
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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