well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
