Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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