The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
