Betty ford says i'm here all night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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