I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
