i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize