I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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