So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
