my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We just shotgunned beers for America
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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