He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
