It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
