Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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