So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
