just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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