Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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