using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
