i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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