Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Mom said you looked used
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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