tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
