i need an iv and a liver transplant
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i think i just lost a toe
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
