Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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