Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My breasts were aching with rage.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
