Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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