his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
