nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
