Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
