she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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