yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just pee around me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
