Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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