I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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