there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
