I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
