I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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