there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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