I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
