Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
