Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw a hot homeless man
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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