The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
