Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
