Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
