GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
