dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
