THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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