that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
