p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize