If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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