i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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