you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize