I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize