What a fucking waste of an outfit
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
