Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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