i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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