sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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