i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
