Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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