If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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