so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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