apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think my moral compass just broke
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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