I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
