There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
