I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
