PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
