All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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