the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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