conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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