by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
