I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
